In the Berkshires!

On my little getaway with the hubby! At first glance I looked at the little town and said there is nothing here. (Pittsfield, MA). Once we got settled in, it's rather nice. We found this cute little pub, called the Lantern. They had the most delicious bacon cheeseburger I've had in a long time. I haven't eaten one in a while, but you know what I mean. Of course I devoured it! Then we went across the street to the coffee shop (I don't remember the name), and sat outside while Darrell had desert and I had a coffee. It was so nice. I would love to live in a small town like this with the perfect weather (for Me) year around. Alas, this is not the place. Too cold in the winter.
We're off to a resort today to explore. I'll post pics when I get home!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!

Getting there

I'm feeling more like myself today. I'd be lying if I said there were no tears, but it's getting better. I burned a pot in the kitchen. Now that's more like it! It's amazing when you forget that you're cooking something and you're outside and think your neighbor is burning something but it's really you and that's the norm! lol Gotta love it!
Believe it or not I do love it. I'm alive.
Went for a walk with a buddy today and it felt so good. I haven't been for a walk in few weeks. Why do we stop doing things that are so good for us?
Slowly but surely I'm coming back and changing in the process. But aren't we always changing. Change is good.
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!

Better day

Today was good. Didn't focus on myself so much today. Went to md appt with hubby. Had a nice lunch at Panera - salad, no bread. I have been itching like crazy because of wheat. Had a friend come over to just hang out and sent her home with goodies from the garden. I had to say no a couple of times today to the kids. All in all, a pretty decent day.
I heard some disturbing news about a friend. Until this moment I had put it on the back burner. I know that sounds harsh, but right now I can't even  deal with anything else. I can only listen. No advice. Just listen. I have no advise to give in this case. But for now, tonight, on the back burner it goes.
Sleep well.

Still here

That's how I've been feeling lately. I can't seem to shake this. I'm still crying. For her and for me. She was the one person I could talk to. We both knew that our head problem was going to kill us, it was just a matter of when. We wouldn't put into words, but we knew. I think we did once. We would spend our time talking about what we were going to do with the time we had. Tips on how to keep our body healthy. Our feelings about our kids. Me wanting them to go off to college and leave the nest and her wanting to move to whatever town her son was going to college in so she would always be close to him. And then we would laugh because we were such opposites. She's gone. Well not her energy. Sometimes I still feel it. I just can't seem to get motivated. I tried looking for motivation in my children and that was a disaster. That left me more depressed than ever. As I lay in bed crying yesterday my husband asked why was I crying ( I know he wanted to add, now). I told him my life consisted of making him breakfast and getting frustrated with the kids. He told me, with a smile, to forget about the kids and wasn't making him breakfast every morning enough? My comment was absolutely not, there has to be more and if he kept it up he would be out with the kids. lol  I'm making the accessories, I just started a new scarf, maybe the Butterfly Affect ( I know the term is effect- wasn't sure if I could use it) is what I need. That's the name of the business ,by the way.
The Hubby and I are getting away for a couple of days. I hope this will help. I plan to bring my camera and view the world through my lens.
Maybe a new hair color is in order. I've lost another few pounds. Yay! Still too hot to eat a lot of food.
I guess I need to take my own advice.
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!

Hello

Still a little melancholy. I didn't cry when I woke up this morning.
Have this weird pain in my ear and along left side of my jaw. I'll take something for inflammation if it doesn't go away by tonight. Could be TMJ syndrome caused by inflammation. Probably due to my decrease in prednisone. Just my diagnosis - with the help of the internet. If the anti-inflammatory doesn't work I'll call a doc.
I'm shedding pounds! Yay!!!! It's too hot to eat! I never thought I would say that. And I'm not starving. I ate mac and cheese out of a box last night. Yuck. I use to love that stuff. Rather disappointing. I've been eating mostly things from my garden. It's nice to be able to walk out into your yard and get your meals. Very convenient. My squash went to down so we planted celery, collards, cabbage, and broccoli in it's place. I was amazed at all the room squash takes up.
I'm setting up my lupus awareness table today at an outdoor concert in Hamden. You can contact me for more info. I'll post pics tomorrow (  or next week lol).
I'm running out of things to say.
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!

Here's a picture of Madison! Isn't she beautiful!

Me in Lake George getting suncreen sprayed on for the hundredth time.

the kids! They strongly dislike getting their picture taken.

ENJOY!!!

More Tears

Not the bawling my eyes out of Saturday. Not the steady stream of Sunday. Today is a trickle here and there. I've even been able to smile when I think back to some of the conversations we've had. One in particular - she'd given me her recipe for sauce. She was appalled that I fed my babies jar sauce ( as every Italian family I know had been lol). I told her I had finally gotten a recipe from FN Everyday Italian. Her response was her's was better and never trust a skinny woman with a recipe. I had to remind her she was 120lbs soak and wet- which she than got offended and laughed and said don't ever say she was that heavy she was only 110. We had such a good time. Her recipe is excellent by the way. It was so good I gave away jars of sauce to some other friends. I still use it to this day. Thank you Roseann. Your secret ingredient is safe with me! Believe it or not about a year later she even started to like Giada! I guess skinny women can cook too!
My son's party yesterday went pretty well. I'm in a fog so they got away with more than I would usually tolerate. The pool didn't become off limit until 9pm and the last of his friends went home at 1am. They cleaned up their mess, so when I got up this morning my backyard was in good shape. I was pleasantly surprised.
 My head still hurts, I'm still achy, but it all is to be expected. I'm grateful for every breath and I'm going to enjoy my day.
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!