He lupus walk in West Hartford his year was amazing. I got a chance to see old friends and meet some new ones. I wish I had taken photos to share.
I'm back facilitating support groups. The New haven one is opening back up this month. And we are doing a one time group on World lupus Day in New London! So happy to be back home in CT.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
I'm back!
Well I'm back in CT with the whole family. I'm actually thrilled to be back. You don't realize how good things are until you live somewhere else. CT isn't so bad. SC is a beautiful place to visit with very charming people. I look forward to visiting next year!
I drove 15 hrs straight and I'm paying for it. I'm in PT and on Valium. What the f#^*!
This too shall pass. Good to be home! Which is under construction due to a broken pipe over the winter!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!
I drove 15 hrs straight and I'm paying for it. I'm in PT and on Valium. What the f#^*!
This too shall pass. Good to be home! Which is under construction due to a broken pipe over the winter!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas!!
Happy Holidays! It's been awhile. Things are still unsettled. Everyone is trying to figure out.... things. For now my day is quiet and peaceful. My husband and I are enjoying each others company. The kids are giving me a break. This is nice. I'm going to live in the moment!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!!!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy!!!
Monday, December 3, 2012
What to do
My second to oldest child moved back home troubled. He had been living in the streets (not necessarily on the streets) and been exposed to a lot. He called me when he was mentally and physically tired and had finally had enough. On the street thousands of miles away with no where to go. Of course I said come home. I'm not that heartless. I tried to find somewhere for him to go first. But it's not that easy. You see, my son is a transgender.
He hasn't had an operation or started hormones, but he was trying to live as a woman. It hurts my husband to even think of his son as a woman. (that's all I'm going to say about that one for now). I was devastated when he first told me. My world felt like it was coming to an end. Like my son was dying. Intellectually I know my son is still alive. He would just be a she. But as a mom, my heart still bleeds. I've gone to a transgender support group to get some of my questions answered. The main one, "why"? And I learned so much more. Maybe I was more open to hear because these women weren't my baby. The main thing I got from the meeting was how unloved and alone they felt in the beginning by their family. At such a crucial part of their lives when things were turned upside down there was no family. I learned that the suicide rate for kids going through this is 55%! I love my child. I never want him to feel that way. So I had him come home. There are rules. He has to see a councilor. Not because I'm trying to change him, but I want him to be safe.
Another thing I learned from my new friends was it takes time to accept. I have every right to feel the way I do. It's all a process. I would be seeing the councilor too, but financially it's not possible. It's more important for him to see her than me so I'll continue to go to the group meetings. ( for once I'm not the facilitator! lol) And I have you guys. I'm surprised I haven't landed in the hospital with all the stress.
He learned some other unsavory things on the streets when I lived up north that I said I would never put up with again while he was living in my house. Meeting people on the internet is one. How do I trust him? I can't keep him locked in the house forever. He's testing me I think. He went outside to smoke a cigarette for 3hrs. He had a journal with him and he said he was sitting in a quiet spot in the complex and was writing and talking on the phone. I didn't go out looking for him. I called and got the voice mail. I called a second time and that's when I got the story. I don't want to have to follow him all over the place. He's 22 and should be able to go out. But I don't want the same behavior as before, just a new place. We talked about this before the 'cigarette break'. I have a habit of blowing things out of proportion.(so they lead me to believe). I really don't think I do though. I think I'm right most times and years later they'll admit it, because that's what teenagers do. Hey, I was one once. I'm going to stop here, before this turns into a book. (one day it possible will- would you buy?!lol) For now I hope you all enjoy your day. I'll be back soon!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy
He hasn't had an operation or started hormones, but he was trying to live as a woman. It hurts my husband to even think of his son as a woman. (that's all I'm going to say about that one for now). I was devastated when he first told me. My world felt like it was coming to an end. Like my son was dying. Intellectually I know my son is still alive. He would just be a she. But as a mom, my heart still bleeds. I've gone to a transgender support group to get some of my questions answered. The main one, "why"? And I learned so much more. Maybe I was more open to hear because these women weren't my baby. The main thing I got from the meeting was how unloved and alone they felt in the beginning by their family. At such a crucial part of their lives when things were turned upside down there was no family. I learned that the suicide rate for kids going through this is 55%! I love my child. I never want him to feel that way. So I had him come home. There are rules. He has to see a councilor. Not because I'm trying to change him, but I want him to be safe.
Another thing I learned from my new friends was it takes time to accept. I have every right to feel the way I do. It's all a process. I would be seeing the councilor too, but financially it's not possible. It's more important for him to see her than me so I'll continue to go to the group meetings. ( for once I'm not the facilitator! lol) And I have you guys. I'm surprised I haven't landed in the hospital with all the stress.
He learned some other unsavory things on the streets when I lived up north that I said I would never put up with again while he was living in my house. Meeting people on the internet is one. How do I trust him? I can't keep him locked in the house forever. He's testing me I think. He went outside to smoke a cigarette for 3hrs. He had a journal with him and he said he was sitting in a quiet spot in the complex and was writing and talking on the phone. I didn't go out looking for him. I called and got the voice mail. I called a second time and that's when I got the story. I don't want to have to follow him all over the place. He's 22 and should be able to go out. But I don't want the same behavior as before, just a new place. We talked about this before the 'cigarette break'. I have a habit of blowing things out of proportion.(so they lead me to believe). I really don't think I do though. I think I'm right most times and years later they'll admit it, because that's what teenagers do. Hey, I was one once. I'm going to stop here, before this turns into a book. (one day it possible will- would you buy?!lol) For now I hope you all enjoy your day. I'll be back soon!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Change
The internet. The world is changing. People put all their business on the internet for the world to see. Myself included. I just wrote a whole post and deleted it because I felt I crossed the line. I'll eventually find a way to write it without feeling like I've bared someone else's dirty laundry for the world to see. Sounds juicy, right. It's not pretty, but it's life. People- your children are in pain and they need guidance. When you feel like you've had enough and you have nothing to give because it's falling on deaf ears, you have to give more. The world has become so small and all of it's crap is so accessible. You have to find a way to show them that the world has so many beautiful things to offer. It's all there waiting to be explored. But you have to go get it. You won't find it on the internet. You have to physically move towards it. For those of us with Lupus, we now have to find a way to give and be healthy. Don't get stressed to the point that we get sick. Is this laughable or what? I'm taking you all with me on my journey so that I have an outlet and hopefully can continue to see the beauty in all situations.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Being true to myself
I've been hearing that a lot lately. Be true to yourself. Do things that resonate with you. I don't know what feels right outside of my marriage and spiritual beliefs. Those two things are aligned. I know there's more for me. I just don't know what. I get so frustrated. I shouldn't be frustrated. My business is pretty much at a stand still down here. I know it can work because I see it work for others, It just isn't happening for me. I tried to start a Lupus support group meeting down here and even that is hard. I feel like I'm getting no where. I haven't found anyone to post flyers for me.( I put an elastic band on my wrist to snap every time I complain, whine, or nag. Does this count?lol) So, I'm taking it to social media! I have to figure out how to set up a facebook page. I know things aren't easy. I don't want easy. I like a challenge. I don't want it to feel hopeless. I need to feel like I'm making a difference and I don't anymore. (again outside of my family).
My kids are making things work on their own. Which is fantastic! This is what I've always wanted. We talk. We have great conversations and I don't need nor do they want me to solve their issues. I'm finally okay with that. I still have my moments, but I'm okay when they don't follow my advice.
My husband and I haven't gone away together in months. But we moved to a new state and he just got a job that he's happy with, so that will change soon. We have gotten so much closer since we moved.
So now everyone has their own stuff to do and I feel frustrated. I think it started after my surgery. Being unable to get around put me in a funk. I'm not as active as I before which is to be expect. Now it's been 8 weeks. I should be going back to yoga, my walks and what. I had so much activity going on before. I had taken my business further than I ever did. I had a huge move I was preparing for. I had to get ready for a major surgery ( I call a hysterectomy a major surgery). Now it's all done. I'm not cut out to be Betty Homemaker. I keep trying to make my business work and it's like an itchy sweater that you got as a gift that looks fabulous on you, but doesn't feel good and you don't want to hurt the feelings of the person that gave it to you so you keep wearing it. You try to find to make it more comfortable, but it just doesn't feel right. Of course it's not going to work because it's not me. But what the hell is.
I know I can't just sit here and be the sick lupus patient. I hurt. When I eat the things that are true to who I am I feel better. Figured that one out. What's next. Headaches still an issue. Going to see a new neurologist in December. Memory still iffy. I'm getting older. (never thought I'd admit that!) I want to be able to enjoy this new freedom I have and I can't. I should be happy I have all this free time. I can do what ever I want. I just don't know what. Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad and unhappy and mopey. I'm not comfortable in my skin. I hear you want to be a bit uncomfortable because then your growing. What am I supposed to learn?
Live. Laugh.Love.Enjoy!
My kids are making things work on their own. Which is fantastic! This is what I've always wanted. We talk. We have great conversations and I don't need nor do they want me to solve their issues. I'm finally okay with that. I still have my moments, but I'm okay when they don't follow my advice.
My husband and I haven't gone away together in months. But we moved to a new state and he just got a job that he's happy with, so that will change soon. We have gotten so much closer since we moved.
So now everyone has their own stuff to do and I feel frustrated. I think it started after my surgery. Being unable to get around put me in a funk. I'm not as active as I before which is to be expect. Now it's been 8 weeks. I should be going back to yoga, my walks and what. I had so much activity going on before. I had taken my business further than I ever did. I had a huge move I was preparing for. I had to get ready for a major surgery ( I call a hysterectomy a major surgery). Now it's all done. I'm not cut out to be Betty Homemaker. I keep trying to make my business work and it's like an itchy sweater that you got as a gift that looks fabulous on you, but doesn't feel good and you don't want to hurt the feelings of the person that gave it to you so you keep wearing it. You try to find to make it more comfortable, but it just doesn't feel right. Of course it's not going to work because it's not me. But what the hell is.
I know I can't just sit here and be the sick lupus patient. I hurt. When I eat the things that are true to who I am I feel better. Figured that one out. What's next. Headaches still an issue. Going to see a new neurologist in December. Memory still iffy. I'm getting older. (never thought I'd admit that!) I want to be able to enjoy this new freedom I have and I can't. I should be happy I have all this free time. I can do what ever I want. I just don't know what. Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad and unhappy and mopey. I'm not comfortable in my skin. I hear you want to be a bit uncomfortable because then your growing. What am I supposed to learn?
Live. Laugh.Love.Enjoy!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Update!
I still hurt. In a new way now. The body is funny. Just when you think you're feeling better, BAM!! Not. Lol
On a good note, I have a date for the first Lupus support group meeting in Columbia!! October 4th is the big day and I can't wait. I'm putting a flyer together and I'll get them out ASAP! I'm always searching for my purpose in life. I think it's helping people. I'm happiest when I'm helping others. Facilitating the support groups is such an awesome feeling for me. Knowing I'm helping someone come to grips with their illness in their own way, in their own time is rewarding. But is that it. Am I meant to do more? Well, for now this is all I can do in my condition! :0)
On a good note, I have a date for the first Lupus support group meeting in Columbia!! October 4th is the big day and I can't wait. I'm putting a flyer together and I'll get them out ASAP! I'm always searching for my purpose in life. I think it's helping people. I'm happiest when I'm helping others. Facilitating the support groups is such an awesome feeling for me. Knowing I'm helping someone come to grips with their illness in their own way, in their own time is rewarding. But is that it. Am I meant to do more? Well, for now this is all I can do in my condition! :0)
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