My second to oldest child moved back home troubled. He had been living in the streets (not necessarily on the streets) and been exposed to a lot. He called me when he was mentally and physically tired and had finally had enough. On the street thousands of miles away with no where to go. Of course I said come home. I'm not that heartless. I tried to find somewhere for him to go first. But it's not that easy. You see, my son is a transgender.
He hasn't had an operation or started hormones, but he was trying to live as a woman. It hurts my husband to even think of his son as a woman. (that's all I'm going to say about that one for now). I was devastated when he first told me. My world felt like it was coming to an end. Like my son was dying. Intellectually I know my son is still alive. He would just be a she. But as a mom, my heart still bleeds. I've gone to a transgender support group to get some of my questions answered. The main one, "why"? And I learned so much more. Maybe I was more open to hear because these women weren't my baby. The main thing I got from the meeting was how unloved and alone they felt in the beginning by their family. At such a crucial part of their lives when things were turned upside down there was no family. I learned that the suicide rate for kids going through this is 55%! I love my child. I never want him to feel that way. So I had him come home. There are rules. He has to see a councilor. Not because I'm trying to change him, but I want him to be safe.
Another thing I learned from my new friends was it takes time to accept. I have every right to feel the way I do. It's all a process. I would be seeing the councilor too, but financially it's not possible. It's more important for him to see her than me so I'll continue to go to the group meetings. ( for once I'm not the facilitator! lol) And I have you guys. I'm surprised I haven't landed in the hospital with all the stress.
He learned some other unsavory things on the streets when I lived up north that I said I would never put up with again while he was living in my house. Meeting people on the internet is one. How do I trust him? I can't keep him locked in the house forever. He's testing me I think. He went outside to smoke a cigarette for 3hrs. He had a journal with him and he said he was sitting in a quiet spot in the complex and was writing and talking on the phone. I didn't go out looking for him. I called and got the voice mail. I called a second time and that's when I got the story. I don't want to have to follow him all over the place. He's 22 and should be able to go out. But I don't want the same behavior as before, just a new place. We talked about this before the 'cigarette break'. I have a habit of blowing things out of proportion.(so they lead me to believe). I really don't think I do though. I think I'm right most times and years later they'll admit it, because that's what teenagers do. Hey, I was one once. I'm going to stop here, before this turns into a book. (one day it possible will- would you buy?!lol) For now I hope you all enjoy your day. I'll be back soon!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy
He hasn't had an operation or started hormones, but he was trying to live as a woman. It hurts my husband to even think of his son as a woman. (that's all I'm going to say about that one for now). I was devastated when he first told me. My world felt like it was coming to an end. Like my son was dying. Intellectually I know my son is still alive. He would just be a she. But as a mom, my heart still bleeds. I've gone to a transgender support group to get some of my questions answered. The main one, "why"? And I learned so much more. Maybe I was more open to hear because these women weren't my baby. The main thing I got from the meeting was how unloved and alone they felt in the beginning by their family. At such a crucial part of their lives when things were turned upside down there was no family. I learned that the suicide rate for kids going through this is 55%! I love my child. I never want him to feel that way. So I had him come home. There are rules. He has to see a councilor. Not because I'm trying to change him, but I want him to be safe.
Another thing I learned from my new friends was it takes time to accept. I have every right to feel the way I do. It's all a process. I would be seeing the councilor too, but financially it's not possible. It's more important for him to see her than me so I'll continue to go to the group meetings. ( for once I'm not the facilitator! lol) And I have you guys. I'm surprised I haven't landed in the hospital with all the stress.
He learned some other unsavory things on the streets when I lived up north that I said I would never put up with again while he was living in my house. Meeting people on the internet is one. How do I trust him? I can't keep him locked in the house forever. He's testing me I think. He went outside to smoke a cigarette for 3hrs. He had a journal with him and he said he was sitting in a quiet spot in the complex and was writing and talking on the phone. I didn't go out looking for him. I called and got the voice mail. I called a second time and that's when I got the story. I don't want to have to follow him all over the place. He's 22 and should be able to go out. But I don't want the same behavior as before, just a new place. We talked about this before the 'cigarette break'. I have a habit of blowing things out of proportion.(so they lead me to believe). I really don't think I do though. I think I'm right most times and years later they'll admit it, because that's what teenagers do. Hey, I was one once. I'm going to stop here, before this turns into a book. (one day it possible will- would you buy?!lol) For now I hope you all enjoy your day. I'll be back soon!
Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy
No comments:
Post a Comment