Monday, March 22, 2010

the prankster

Last night I cooked cubed steak ( chicken fried steak) for the family. It bombed. For some reason it was sweet. My husband told me I need to go back to eating meat because I never know what went wrong. Today I go to make fish and dust it with flour. Well, the flour didn't look right and when I thought back it didn't look right last night. I taste it and it's not flour but confectioners sugar! The canisters were switched around on the counter. I never label them because I know the difference by looking at the texture. ;=)
As I'm telling this to my son Darrell he starts to laugh. Months ago he switched my dishes around and had me thinking I had a ghost in the house, so I told him he could never switch the dishes again. His words were, " you never said anything about the canisters!" Well the mystery of the souffle/cake is solved. Would anyone like to have a 16 yr old?

Friday, March 19, 2010

warm weather

I love it! I''ve been taking advantage of the warm weather. Getting some walking and bike riding in. I must say, the bike riding isn't my favorite. It hurts like hell, but it'll get easier. It's great to get out in the fresh air. As always I have to be careful with the sun, but so far so good, and I'm not letting it stop me! Soon enough I'll be doing the big hats and sunscreen and you know, that's alright too.
Live.Love.Laugh. Enjoy!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

lupus sucks

I called. Again, the doc's not sure. Give it another week and see what happens. If the problem persist go back up on the prednisone and see what happens. The disease of the unknown. Don't cha just love it. It is what it is. I'm grateful I can still get around. I'm grateful I have an outlet. I'm grateful I can still type! =) I'm grateful for life. When I start walking into walls we have a problem. Oh wait- I do that too! =) You gotta laugh.

Live. Love. Laugh. Enjoy!


I've been having memory glitches again and I'm still losing conversations. The scariest is when I'm in a car and I don't know where I am. Once I was driving and couldn't remember the way to one of the kids' friend's house. All of a sudden I'm driving there and I don't know the way. It feels like I'm having a dream and I can't find my way out of a maze and I get that panicky feeling. It lasted about 20 seconds. Another recent incident, I was riding with my husband, I'm looking out the window as he's driving and all of a sudden I don't recognize anything and I don't know where we are. I had to ask him where are we. He gave me this strange look and said on Dixwell Ave. Very popular street. I drive down it at least 4 times a week. My son brought his girlfriend over to meet me, because he said I told him to. I can see my saying that, but I have no memory of the conversation. Pretty girl by the way and seems to be nice (you can't tell from the first meeting). I haven't called my doctor. I'm not sure what they can do for it. Maybe I should call and see if it's because I'm decreasing my prednisone. This sucks, I'm never going to get off of it. Oh well. I have to be a big girl (no pun intended) and do what I need to do.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

good morning

The pain in back was better by Friday. A little yoga goes a long way. I'm getting back in tune with my body. I stopped working with my clean eating coach and a regressed some ( not much). For a vegetarian I wasn't eating many vegetables. Getting back on track. I lost my train of thought here.This post was started and intended for yesterday and I stepped away from the computer and forgot about it until this morning. Oh well.
Have an awesome day!


Just when I thought I was okay with my self image, I realize that I'm not. I was also projecting my disgust with my body on to my husband. I imagined that every time he looked at me, he didn't like what he saw. Yesterday when he left the house, he didn't kiss me goodbye. It rarely happens. I took that action and ran with it. To give you background - he was late for his pool match and he was irritated with the kids because they weren't home to bring in my new to me washing machine =). I took it as, he's disgusted with looking at me and he's no longer attracted to me. Well. Luckily for me I don't go too far with these thoughts and I do my best thinking in the wee hours of the morning. ( I don't stay up all night I'm just an early riser). I've come to the realization that I'm not as okay as I thought I was with me. Oh yeah, I love the fact that I am strong in character, I'm sincere, I love helping others, I'm persistent, I can work things out (it takes me longer than it use to), I have a sunny disposition. I'm all that. =) But I still don't love the person I see in the mirror. The physical person. Now that I look back, I never did. Even when I was 160 lbs I wanted liposuction for the pouch in my lower abs and I wanted to get rid of the love handles I thought I had. When I was 130lbs ( many moons ago - we're talking late teens to early twenties) I wasn't happy. I wanted a big butt. Got it now! Whether or not my husband likes what he see's isn't the issue. I don't like what I see. How do l love the whole me? I can lose weight, but I don't think that is going to fix the problem. I'll feel good about it. Who wouldn't? But I will still find something wrong.
I first better stop projection my feelings on to others. I say this often. It's not about them. It's all about me!=)

Live.Laugh. Love.
Have an awesome and powerful day!

Thursday, March 4, 2010


I've decreased my prednisone and my back hurts so bad. I'm trying not to be a baby and suck it up. I can't keep running to the doc for shots. I'll wait until tomorrow and see how it goes. The accelerated pain just started this afternoon. Maybe I slept wrong. I know I'm reaching for excuses, but who knows. I don't think I'll make it to yoga class tomorrow. I will try a few stretches and see if it helps. I'm not in so much pain that I can't think clearly, so that's a plus. Taking it day by day. Always a new adventure;). Just happy to take the ride!
All in all still having a relaxing vacation. It gave me time to think and evaluate my activities and see what's important. I feel good.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Another Day

Today isn't as relaxing as yesterday. Yesterday was about me. I got a chance to read my romance novel and do nothing. Today I started thinking about a topic I said I wasn't going to deal with all week.I haven't been able to relax since. I just feel really tense and it's driving me crazy. I really need to resolve my issue and stop the avoidance. If I'm going to get worked up like this I need to deal with it and move on.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Day 1

First day of break. Trying not to stay irritated. My youngest seems to know how to push my buttons. I've been taking many deep breaths this morning. Everybody is off to school and I'm going to relax a minute with a cup of Milk Thistle tea ( good for detoxing the liver - see the link at the bottom and tea benefits on the right- before drinking check with your doc it may interfere with certain meds) and maybe even go back to bed!