Thursday, March 11, 2010


Just when I thought I was okay with my self image, I realize that I'm not. I was also projecting my disgust with my body on to my husband. I imagined that every time he looked at me, he didn't like what he saw. Yesterday when he left the house, he didn't kiss me goodbye. It rarely happens. I took that action and ran with it. To give you background - he was late for his pool match and he was irritated with the kids because they weren't home to bring in my new to me washing machine =). I took it as, he's disgusted with looking at me and he's no longer attracted to me. Well. Luckily for me I don't go too far with these thoughts and I do my best thinking in the wee hours of the morning. ( I don't stay up all night I'm just an early riser). I've come to the realization that I'm not as okay as I thought I was with me. Oh yeah, I love the fact that I am strong in character, I'm sincere, I love helping others, I'm persistent, I can work things out (it takes me longer than it use to), I have a sunny disposition. I'm all that. =) But I still don't love the person I see in the mirror. The physical person. Now that I look back, I never did. Even when I was 160 lbs I wanted liposuction for the pouch in my lower abs and I wanted to get rid of the love handles I thought I had. When I was 130lbs ( many moons ago - we're talking late teens to early twenties) I wasn't happy. I wanted a big butt. Got it now! Whether or not my husband likes what he see's isn't the issue. I don't like what I see. How do l love the whole me? I can lose weight, but I don't think that is going to fix the problem. I'll feel good about it. Who wouldn't? But I will still find something wrong.
I first better stop projection my feelings on to others. I say this often. It's not about them. It's all about me!=)

Live.Laugh. Love.
Have an awesome and powerful day!

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