Just Pain

Am I a masochist? I was perfectly ok with the pain level I was at and I had to up the ante. (is that the right word?) This spinal tap has kicked my ass. I called and spoke with the nurse. She thinks there's a leak and that's why I'm still in so much pain when I sit up. She wanted to schedule me for a blood patch. WTF Don't like how that one sounds. She explained it to me and I still don't like it. For those who don't know - it's when they take some of your own blood and inject it into the puncture to cause clotting and close the puncture. Not going to happen. Not comfortable with it.
I was leaning towards having the Botox treatment for my headaches. At this juncture, I'm going to pass. More needles sticking into my body. No thanks. I'm leaving well enough alone. Just get me back to where I was before I walked into his office and I'll be happy!
I was able to see my results online and what I can see came back normal. Yay!! They still don't know what's wrong with me! LOL Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I have lupus. For reasons beyond me some docs don't want to believe the problems with my brain are from lupus, yet they have no other answers. And I'm left with no answers, no closure, no questions anymore ( because I never get answers!). Just pain. Enjoy the day for me!

Live.Love.Laugh.Enjoy