Monday, July 26, 2010

Still here

That's how I've been feeling lately. I can't seem to shake this. I'm still crying. For her and for me. She was the one person I could talk to. We both knew that our head problem was going to kill us, it was just a matter of when. We wouldn't put into words, but we knew. I think we did once. We would spend our time talking about what we were going to do with the time we had. Tips on how to keep our body healthy. Our feelings about our kids. Me wanting them to go off to college and leave the nest and her wanting to move to whatever town her son was going to college in so she would always be close to him. And then we would laugh because we were such opposites. She's gone. Well not her energy. Sometimes I still feel it. I just can't seem to get motivated. I tried looking for motivation in my children and that was a disaster. That left me more depressed than ever. As I lay in bed crying yesterday my husband asked why was I crying ( I know he wanted to add, now). I told him my life consisted of making him breakfast and getting frustrated with the kids. He told me, with a smile, to forget about the kids and wasn't making him breakfast every morning enough? My comment was absolutely not, there has to be more and if he kept it up he would be out with the kids. lol  I'm making the accessories, I just started a new scarf, maybe the Butterfly Affect ( I know the term is effect- wasn't sure if I could use it) is what I need. That's the name of the business ,by the way.
The Hubby and I are getting away for a couple of days. I hope this will help. I plan to bring my camera and view the world through my lens.
Maybe a new hair color is in order. I've lost another few pounds. Yay! Still too hot to eat a lot of food.
I guess I need to take my own advice.

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