Still in pain

I did it to myself. I know better. I ate foods I knew were bad for me. I sat in a car for over 10 hrs in the sun - what did I think was going to happen. I doesn't make feeling like crap any better. I did apologize to myself. Sounds weird but I felt a little better afterward. The shot yesterday did provide some relief. Pain came back full force in the middle of the night. I'm going up on my neurotin today. The doctors wanted me to ride it out. That's not going to happen if  I have something here that I'm already on and it will make me feel better. I can always decrease later. I'm not the sit and don't move type. I hate this. I cried yesterday. I hate that even more. The feeling of helplessness. I have new lupus friends to talk to about how I feel, but I'm in too much pain to even listen to voices. I've dimmed the the computer screen so it's tolerable for short time. This too shall pass. I do know I'll never do a trip like that again. I'll break it up and travel long hours at night. I told my husband I felt like a vampire. I can only come out at night. The sun is killing me. I want to laugh but I don't think it's a joke. I really believe that the sun could kill me. I think that's all for now. Just had a long pause. Enjoy your day for me!
Live.Love.Laugh. Enjoy!